Question: Is a boob by any other name still a boob?

“My boobs hurt,” my friend Alyssa complains while trying on a red halter top in Nordstrom’s the other day. 

I cringe. She notices. She looks over at me and asks, “what’s the matter?” 

I say. as innocently as possible because I really don’t want my friends to roll their eyes at me for being the sentinel for proper female empowerment, “you mean your breasts hurt, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said, my boobs are hurting.” Again – the cringe. My  shoulders lift and tense. I just can’t help it, my body talks! 

“What is the matter with you, Sheila?” She asks as if at her wit’s end. 

I say, as quickly and unceremoniously as possible, “your breasts are not boobs. A boob is an idiot and your breasts are not idiots.” There is a short pause that follows this.  Then I top it off with a monotone, “…look it up.” 

Boob

noun 

1. stupid person; fool; dunce. 

2. British. a blunder; mistake. 

3. slang: Sometimes vulgar, female breast.

I shrink with the expectation that I am going to get slammed by my friend for politicizing yet another colloquial use of words. But,I was pleasantly surprised when she stopped, cocked her head, and said, “you’re right, Sheila. Wow, I never thought of it that way.” 

I think that’s probably true for many of you reading this right now. You see the way we’ve woven subtle negativity about our bodies into our daily lives is an awful sneaky business. It’s so subtle that we don’t even notice it until it is brought out into the light for us to analyze. Seriously… think about it. It is all around us. Every day we use a myriad of simple English words that are marbled with derogatory or ultra-masculine jargon. And, most of the time, this jargon is not so flattering to the feminine. However, we’ve grown up in this kind of marbling. It becomes second nature. It becomes something we don’t even think about. So we don’t even notice when we’re doing it. We are just so used to it – not only do we not notice it, but we start to incorporate it into our own thought patterns! 

If you believe in the study of your mind, then you must believe in the study of your body. It is all so deeply linked. Stress, for example, isn’t just an overall feeling of being overstimulated  or overwhelmed. It is also a quickened heart rate, a quickened breath, tighter muscles, higher blood pressure, and alerted senses. When we bring words into the body mind equation, things get even more complex. Did you know that when you speak negatively to yourself – either in your mind or out loud – that you develop more anxiety overall – a sensation of buzzing, breathlessness, shaking and tension, to name just a few of the sensations. Another study found that if you think positive thoughts, you stimulate your frontal lobe which influences your motor cortex (the center that controls your actions) and can propel you into physical, immediate action – like going on that hike you’ve been dreaming about, or running yourself the bath you’ve been craving all day. 

Yes, words are important. They shape us emotionally, and physically whether we realize it in the moment or not. But it’s my belief that, somewhere deep inside, we do realize it… or, at least, we feel the effect of it. 

My boobs. We’ve all used the word “boobs” to talk about our breasts at one time or another. I have. And we’ve all might have heard someone  in our lives also use the term “boob” to describe a not very bright person- a dolt, as you might say. My mother called people “boobs” all the time to describe exactly this type of person. 

Then there’s “booby prize,” and  “booby trap,”  which give this word a whole other set of undesirable qualities…. So you can defend your use of this kind of word because you didn’t intend to call your breasts “stupid” but the bottom line is that they’re the same word and they’re used to describe two very different things. 

And believe you me, your body will respond. Whether through subtle shame, or embarrassment, or through an apology that shows itself in tensed muscles, it will respond. Your body hears everything, and she  never forgets or misses anything. .She’s a formidable creature.

So let me just nail this one home to you by giving you an analogy. Calling your breasts “boobs” would be the equivalent of a man calling his penis “doofus.” I can just hear it now – my son coming home  from a bike ride saying, “damn, my doofus really hurts.” 

Uh-uh, it isn’t going to happen. Men are way too proud of their bodies to send that kind of negativity its way, and rightfully so. So why do we do it?

No one should attack his or her body with words or even thoughts that are unkind. I’ve learned so much from watching my hub-man live in his body. He is so very proud of it. And his body knows it! So instead, because men would have it no other way, we refer to their penises as “cocks,” or “rods,” or whatever other euphemisms there are for large, conical shapes and proud animals. 

Yet, on the flip side, we refer to our vulvas and vaginas as “who-hah,” “wuss,” and “woo-woo.” Hmmmm… I think it’s about time to come up with something a little more powerful. A little more prideful. For me, I like to use vulva and vagina when I’m talking with the women in my life. And, when I’m teaching large groups of women and men, I use the term, “center of the universe.”Now that’s an empowering way to refer to your vulva.

My challenge to you today is: What heightened term can you begin to slip into your everyday language when speaking about your most private spot? Better yet, what terms can you begin to slip into your everyday language when you’re speaking about your breasts?

I’d love to hear all about what you come up with – or to hear about the words you already love and use! Head over to my Instagram to join in on the discussion. I’d love to hear what you have to say!