I love being a woman. I love everything about it. The foul moods, the shimmering glee, the curves, and bumps, and soft skin… The enormous, ever changing heart.
Round, grounded, fertile, arid, wet, unpredictable, and peaked we, like Mother Earth, radiate with warmth and understanding. We are the epitome of internal and external beauty, grace, and peace. We live in union with the push and pull of polar opposites that come with the waxing and waning of the moon. In this cyclic process, we create balance, stability, and security. In moments of chaos, we are Mother Nature, or, better yet, Mother Nurturer to all.
But who nurtures you? Who nurtures the women of the world?
We came from mothers and fathers and, hopefully, they were nurturing in one way or another. We moved away from home and some of us went to college while some went to work. Then, maybe, we found a love, and they nurtured great until… well, until their needs overwhelmed yours and you began nurturing them instead… Then, maybe, kids came. And then you’re still nurturing your love and the kids or child-like friends in your life who need nurturing too. Work gets more consuming as you grow up and, before you know it, you’re nurturing work and your love and them, and if you have a pet, you end up being the nurturer there, too.
Then as your parents age they start to need someone to lean on too and that someone is probably going to be you. And by now you’re about to fall apart because you’ve spent every last cent of giving on everyone else and you’re tired and you feel empty because the question still remains: who is filling you up?
While we might naturally be Mother Earth in the way we live and breathe and move through life we can also be Mother Earth in a myriad of other ways. Namely this: that when life becomes one big giving session, we can feel like our natural resources are tapped, and our natural beauty disappearing, and our purity is tarnished with pollution.
So that takes me back to the same question: who is nurturing you? Maybe you used to nurture you before your love/kids/pets/work/parents but then you became last in line, and you got used to it, and by the time it was your turn to get your attention, there was no attention left to give.
Who do you turn to? A shrink? I’ve tried that (and maybe you have too). Although it can be good for a while, it doesn’t quite satiate the need we have for the unconditional love that we are already giving so freely. Do you turn to God and religion? God’s great, and religion…? Sure, it can be helpful but I need some human touch and nurturing and physical warmth. Do you turn to another lover? Tsk tsk, uh uh, no. That’s just too damned unreal and too damned destructive. Do you turn to friends? In this compartmentalized, insanely busy world, are friends really there to nurture you? It’s my guess that the answer to that is a strong “maybe”. Hell, they’re probably in the same boat as you are, nurturing love/kids/job/pet/parents.
So one day, just like Mother Nature you will erupt. I know because I’ve been there. You will erupt and scream “enough!” and discover that what you are left with is a choice. Will you choose yourself or not?
You cannot be all things to all living creatures if you don’t have YOU anymore. You must put yourself first or all else fails. I believe this fully and heartily and I try to live this every day of my life. A big part of this is saying “no”. Oh yes, I say no to my partner, I say no to work, I even say no to the pet until I get what I need, and, sometimes, when I’m sure they have what they need, I say no to the kids too. It’s survival at first. But as you get better at it, it goes beyond that. It becomes the way in which you learn to thrive.
The more space you create in life to focus on yourself the more you can move beyond simply saying “no” to the things that drain you, to saying “yes” to the things that light you up.
One of the things, for me, is my time connecting to my feminine core. It regenerates me like nothing else. It inspires me. It fires me up and it impassions me. How do I connect to the pure feminine in me? One way is lingering in moments of deep and true emotion rather than running past or squelching them like I used to do. If I am overwhelmed with emotion I let it ring out, runny nose and all! So what if it makes people uncomfortable? It is time for the world to understand that emotion is not shameful. It is not weak. It is one of the greatest gifts that we have been given in our lives.
Another way I connect to my feminine soul is in my S Factor undulations. Whether it’s in a class of pure femme time, or at home, alone, in my living room. I make sure I get two hours of pure invigoration. It’s my healing time. It’s my resurrection time. It’s my unconditional love for me time. It’s the time when I reconnect with the Earth to ground myself. I get to feel high as a kite and grounded securely to the Earth at the same time. And when I give her—the sometimes forgotten, Earthen woman inside of me—focused time, I get nurtured.
By shifting my focus from outside myself to deeply inside my body, my senses, and my emotions, I feel calmed. This inner focus is transcendent to me. It pulls me into a euphoric state of being, and it opens me up to the exciting ‘something’s coming’ part of life.
How do you focus your attention inward? Do you already have a way of doing this? If not, you can find a way, like me, but you have to put your foot down and demand private, alone time. I can’t say that any more profoundly. Oh wait, yes I can. You need PRIVATE-ALONE-TIME.
During this time—for which I suggest no less than two hours per week—spend it lovingly on your body. Try a weekly massage or manicure. Or slow down and take your time to savor a tasty and healthy self-prepared meal that you serve on your best china and surround yourself with candles while you dine. Or do a workout that focuses you inward- meditate, or dance (or do both at once). Whatever it is that you do for your body, make sure it is something that feels good. Make sure it is something that fills you back up instead of depleting you. This isn’t a task. This is pleasure and nurturing.
Finding moments like this will leave you feeling utterly surrendered to, and in awe of, your true feminine nature. It will remind you what there is to love about being a woman. Like loving your high heels or flirty skirts like I do. Or loving your shit-kicker motorcycle boots and warm sudsy baths with rose scented bath bombs. Or facials and hot oil hair massages. Or simply loving your curves and your not-so-curvy curves.
Most importantly, it will remind you to love the erotic woman inside of you who has the power to heal, comfort, and nurture you through life.
Think about it, and ask yourself, “How will I nurture myself today?”
