There are times in every woman’s life when everything must fall away – the plans, the dreams, the expectations, the hopes. The daily routine, the roles, and the responsibilities. The things that felt most important – even the nest and the family – must, occasionally, fall away.
There I was, flat on my back in bed, sucking one tight breath in at a time. I couldn’t lift my head from the pillow, even though I wanted to with every fiber of my being. I wanted to get up and do the 1000 things on my to-do list. I wanted to get up and go about my everyday life. But there I was, miserable only able to focus on Every. Single. Breath.
This was the period of time in November of 2020 when I was battling COVID-19. I had just dropped off Richard, my husband, at the hospital, drove home, and dragged myself upstairs and into bed. This was the moment when I finally let go…of everything. I let go of my enormous “to do” list, my duties and roles as teacher, guide, mom, wife, friend, actress, and more. I distinctly remember just releasing all of these things – because I very simply had no other choice.
I wish it hadn’t taken me getting so severely ill to bring me to this release, but it did – and ultimately, it ended up being one of the most profound moments in my life.
Some changes happen to us slowly, inching forward over time. Other changes in life happen in these abrupt moments where the shift is happening quickly, immediately, in our bodies. Moments where we cannot help but to reassess, and move forward as changed women. The way it was before is over and the way forward is completely new. My bout with COVID-19 was one of those moments – and, yes – one of these rare opportunities for the stark and immediate change that life sometimes sends our way.
Now, almost a year after recovering from COVID, I let go daily. Intentionally. In fact, letting go is one of my strongest values. I wake up in the morning and say to myself, “What can I not do today?” Yes, I’ll admit it, this new way of being takes discipline. It takes putting myself first above everyone else in my life, which is something we women, especially, can rarely afford ourselves. In fact, I would go so far as to say we are cultivated to serve everyone else before we take care of our own basic needs. So, here’s what I do: Every day I consciously release the need to shoulder the responsibilities for everyone’s happiness. I surrender my compulsion to fix everything for everyone all the time. I stop myself from leaping into the middle of a family disagreement. I just sit back and allow life to happen – allow the ebbs and flows. Where, in the past, I considered myself the keeper of the ocean, now I draw the line. Nope! Not anymore. I lay back into the waves of life and glide. In doing this, I have reclaimed my life.
I focus on what will make me happy. What will fill my cup. What will send my heart to the moon and star and planets every night. My life has become richer and fuller. In this more hands-off world that I’m cultivating, it seems that all the things I was striving so hard for are now effortlessly coming to me.
I know it’s a strange concept. Stop pushing, stop over-delivering, and the riches will come. I’d heard about this concept before but I didn’t know how to make it happen. I know it sounds counter-intuitive that the less hard you work the easier things come–but damn if that isn’t exactly what I’m experiencing! And it all started back in my sick bed, in a little house in Vancouver, almost a year ago today.
What will it take for you to let go? Hopefully not some catastrophic illness. What if you started now? As in like, right now – what if you started today? Don’t wait for some outside force, release the circus level juggling act you perform daily. Let go because this act keeps you from truly living your life. It keeps you as prisoner in a never ending cycle of pedaling up a hill that never crests.
This is The Great Letting Go. This is the moment when you can sit alone. Release all the everyday demands and be unbounded in your body.
I know, it seems impossible. When facing this moment from the outside, you might think the way I did, “No way!” I can’t let go of everything that matters most to my life – everything that I’ve worked so hard for. The world will collapse without me there to hold it up!
If we can find small ways to release throughout our lives, those moments when we become entirely powerless can feel less terrifying, and more cleansing. Try it right now. Take this moment to release as many everyday demands as you can. Be still, be unbounded in your body. To be “unbounded” means to be free, with ZERO expectations. Let go of your expectations for yourself and the ones put on you by others. Breathe. There is no greater feeling than owing nothing to anybody – not even yourself.
This can be an opportunity to reconnect with the certainty of you and your truth. It can be an opportunity to meet your version of God, or The Universe. You can be open to the almost unbearable lightness of being. These quiet moments are opportunities to hear yourself, hear your spirit, and to then refocus your life. Step back and hear ourselves, fill our own cup—make it full! Overflowing. Let your fullness cascade down the sides and fill those in your life who you nurture, love, feed, and shine your light upon. By filling our own cups, we allow our energy to spill out onto others without depleting ourselves.
The old paradigm of women serving until we are completely depleted is over. Mark my words: it ends with you and with me.
I don’t want you to have to get deathly ill to make this magic happen! So, here’s a little inspiration to welcome you into the land of letting go:
Make a list of everything you are responsible for. Everything you do to keep you and your family’s life going. To make this list, ask yourself: What is your life’s infrastructure? What are your responsibilities? Who expects things from you?
Here’s mine, as an example:
~ Pay Bills
~ Grocery Shop
~ Care for Pets
~ Care for Kids
~ Care for Parents
~ Care for and Share space with Friends
~ Engage with Co-workers, Employers, or Employees
~ Attend and be Present at Work Meetings and Events
~ Donate time, Energy, Space, and Funds to Causes I believe in
~ Cook 3 Meals a Day (and snacks!)
~ Clean Dishes, Do Laundry, and Maintain my Space/Nest
~ Upkeep the Car
What would happen if you just stopped the non-essential activities in your life’s infrastructure?
After you take the first step of making the list, go through the entire list and put a line through each activity or responsibility that is not absolutely essential. Think of it this way: if you were suddenly physically indisposed, which activity would you not be able to fulfill even if you desperately wanted to?
You’ll see mine are already underlined.
Then, ask yourself: of the things on the list that are left, how can you lessen their dependence on your time and energy for one week? I’m choosing one week arbitrarily. If you can only do one day, make it one day, if you can only do one hour, make it one hour. This release technique is a muscle you flex. Maybe today you can only do a small amount of time, but in time this can grow. And your life can become lighter and lighter.
Let me give an example: On my list of responsibilities, you’ll find “pay bills.” I hired an accountant to take over all of my bill paying duties during my great letting go time. To me the investment is worth it. The cost is financial, but the gain is an hour of my week back for me to focus on life, not bills. How this small change affected my body was shocking. I felt the pressure in my chest lighten up—I could breathe easier. And with each responsibility I released, came more profound lightness and ease, which gave my body more energy to heal instead of worry.
When COVID passed, I didn’t go back and take up all the responsibilities I had surrendered. Instead, I pushed myself to release more and more until what was left filled my cup rather than depleting it. Now, I float through the day – it’s an addictive feeling!
I know there are some responsibilities that are impossible to release. My toughest responsibility in my Great Letting Go was walking and caretaking my dog. She has epilepsy and must take medicine 4 times a day. She can’t miss a single pill or she will go into life threatening seizure clusters. So, even in my most delirious moments, I dragged my aching body down the stairs to take her out to the potty and give her meds.
I imagine you have one or two of this kind of life-or-death responsibility. My kids are old enough to take care of themselves, but if your kids are little you have a challenge on your hands. Is it a challenge that your community can be asked to help with? Ask your partner, parent, friend, or colleague if they could step in for a few hours for one week, or once in a while.
In this time in the world, we are all experiencing a bit of a global Great Letting Go. I hope yours doesn’t require getting COVID-19, but perhaps you can benefit from mine. If you do, you’ll find a sweetness of being alive that will serve this great transformation you are about to experience. You will find an ease in your body that maybe you haven’t had for years, if ever. You will find time to live your bliss instead of spending your precious time plugged into the matrix, making this thing we used to call life happen.
Let us all get to a place where we can embody the feminine in her purest form: this is a woman free of shame and free of burden. This feminine being is pure brilliance. As the world does a self-correction and makes a major transformation, you too deserve change. Strip away all that holds you down and rise into the effortlessness of an unfettered life. Rise into the radiance of your feminine. I look forward to having you by my side!
