What I have come to own is that I am the guardian of my erotic body. I didn’t always feel that way–I didn’t even know my body needed a guardian. I take this responsibility seriously by the way I occupy my skin unapologetically. The way I move with intention and pleasure-led purpose. And by the way I present myself in the clothing I chose to wear. But mostly as guardian of my erotic body I protect my body fiercely. If you disrespect my body, I can be feisty as hell.
I post photos of myself on social media in my full feminine expression. In clothing that I find sensual, provocative, and fun. Time and again I get comments like: “put more clothing on,” “these photos are beneath you,” “why must you flaunt your body,” “act your age”… and on and on they go. When they’ll stop, nobody knows. It is precisely these kinds of comments that fire me up, they inspire me to continue my crusade to free women from constant judgment and constant unsolicited commentary. Why do you think these people who thrust shame at me and other women, why do you think they continue to do so? Let’s unpack their motives.
I believe these comments come from the past, from a time when it was common and heralded to “put women in their place,”. To put women on the defensive. To cause women to shrink in fear of isolation/alienation. These comments are designed to control the actions of free women and girls and imprison us, once again, in a cage of shame. The commenters are either women who are living in the same shame cage and are threatened by the free women who are rising and no longer living by the archaic rules of feminine body control. Or they’re what I call D men- dominators, otherwise known as archaic toxic masculine people who wield control through fear, bullying, and shame. It is my mission to consistently confront them, and to make space for our feminine energy to thrive in our world, within each of us.
How do we who are bound and determined to be freely embodied, how do we escape the cage of shame and the leash of domination? By becoming consciously aware of exactly what is happening and by intentionally dismantling these verbal written bombs. By calling them out for what they are – anchors to a past that is no longer relevant. By offering these commenters nuggets of loving correction and encouragement to grow beyond their fear and attempted dominance. Because the age of freedom is upon us. In fact, it’s a fucking tidal wave that is descending and those who are stuck in the past will be smothered beneath the weight of the wave and those who are awakened to their own autonomy will flow forward with ease and grace. Their bodies unjudged and unscathed by the inane phrases, words and actions of those who have been lost.
How did I get so fierce you may be wondering? Let me share a little story that I am sure many women have their own version of: I went to NYU from a small town in south western Pennsylvania to study dance at the age of 17. I took an apartment in the east village of NYC, in 1981 before the neighborhood was gentrified. The east village was the land of drug dealers, Hell’s Angels, and trying to stay out of trouble. Walking down 5th Street from ballet class, I had to pass a group of men in their late 20s. They threw words at me in a language I didn’t understand. Then, one of them stood up and began following me. It was daytime. I was intimidated but not quite scared. I mean, what could happen in broad daylight in New York City, right?
Suddenly, I was stopped dead in my tracks–Mid step. Mid bounce. Mid saunter. He had grabbed me by my ponytail and pulled me to an abrupt stop. I remember the electric “OH NO” that dropped from my head to my heart. I was most struck that, with the simple grab of my hair, he took complete control of my body. I could feel his taut and powerful musculature through the strands of my hair, now vibrating with his intensity. I was halted dead in my tracks: not even a slow-the-train down kind of stop but a full tilt freeze termination. He had just dominated my body with one hand. Yes, that hand was connected to his arm which was connected to his body… but the only thing that touched me–and even then, just my hair–was his hand. All 119 pounds of me was stopped. It was a split second. A slow motion moment in time that froze forever in my body. I stopped breathing for what felt like minutes, but was really just a few seconds.
I felt cars pass us by on the street. I felt like we were the ones who were frozen ala the movie “The Matrix” and everything else just continued on in real-time speed. “How long is he going to hold me here?” I thought to myself. A few people walked by across the street. I could hear their chatter even though I couldn’t turn my head. My heart was about to start racing because I was beginning to suspect that I was in danger, and that I should be terrified. A bird flew overhead and I heard him flap his wings. Kids were screaming in the playground down the street. A car horn blared. And still, I was frozen together with this stranger, this man who took ownership of my body. The sun was shining brightly. I felt the soft autumn wind.
And then he released me. And It was over. But that moment still lives in my body and I have spent a lifetime making sure it doesn’t happen again.
As a person living through this lifetime in a female body, if you don’t protect your body by claiming ownership of it, someone else will try to.
My life’s work – my passion – S Factor feminine movement has now been on display for all the world to see in the Netflix documentary, Strip Down, Rise Up, for several months. This moment in my life has been extraordinary, surreal, vulnerable, rewarding, frightening, and overall wholeheartedly sacred. Over the last 4 months, I have heard from and am developing beautiful and profound relationships with women from all over the world. Women who watched the film and are hungry for what they witnessed, hungry for extraordinary life affirming transformation from their ordinary to extraordinary versions of themselves.
What I taught in the film is what I’ve taught women from all over the world for the last 22 years:
* Every woman has a superheroine self trapped inside just waiting to come out.
* Every woman is gorgeous, radiant, and unstoppable when tapped into her body.
*Every woman brave enough to live in her raw truth is a woman I want to call a friend.
*Every woman must be the guardian of her erotic body.
How your body is, is how your life will be. If your body is tied up in knots or tension, so too will your life have this same tension. If your body is meek and immovable, so too will your life be pulled in and static.
This is the wild erotic creature within me – my free and vital nature living unabashedly within and through my body. This is not mindful living, this is what I call bodiful living.
Join me: welcome your wild, erotic creature into your life. Let me let you in on a little secret: eroticism and emotional freedom are the two most important pieces of yourself that you’ve lost to one degree or another. The good news is you can reclaim them both in this journey of feminine embodiment.
Every living being is an erotic emotional creature.
The erotic is the force of life within your body. It is the force that creates life, and emotion is the fuel that carries you and propels you toward wholeness. These energies are what nurture your children, and protect your family, and bring you unapologetic bliss. They are the forces that cultivate intimacy and connection. These forces are embodied experiences. You cannot think your way into them. You cannot think your way home. So, journey with me here on my blog to your superheroine epic self.
Acting as the guardian of your erotic body means allowing your body to be everything she wants to be, everything she can be. It means stoking the feminine campfire within and expressing yourself openly. Feel your body in the curve of your hips, let your body move sensuously – whether in the bedroom, the boardroom, or in line at the bank. Protecting your feminine body doesn’t shutting her down or quieting her, it means keeping her safe and letting her be free in her organic nature!
Join me around the virtual feminine campfire and I’ll keep you moving in your feminine nature, while you support me in mine. This is a team effort, in our community of like-minded, fierce, embodied women!
