“Write a thorough list. What does your perfect partner look like?” This was asked of me while in a personal growth seminar in NYC. I was fresh out of college and ready to find my perfect lifemate. I started writing.
What poured out of me is what follows: My perfect list for Epic Love-
My perfect love was going to be 6’2” dirty blonde hair and most likely blue eyes. He was going to be from Ireland if I played my cards right. His voice would be gruff and low, but he himself would be sweet and kind.
He would be a lawyer or engineer because that was a safe masculine career. He would be very well educated, with a master’s degree in literature. He would be ever so present with me as we raised our kids together. A real family man. He would adore being with me 24/7. We’d like the same music, movies, and books.
What found me was not the above description of love. What found me was Richard Schiff, a 5’10” balding Jewish man from NYC who was surly, ornery, and dark. A man who was driven by his passion for truth and traveled the world to find it. His taste in music is not even remotely similar to mine. He loves books that I wouldn’t consider reading even if you paid me. We do like some of the same movies …but only sometimes.
How the hell did this happen? I fought this love for a long time. I was drawn to this man for reasons I could not explain to you, at least not on an intellectual level. I wanted to be inside his soul when we were getting along, which wasn’t very often. I wanted to be on our own private island when things were good. However, he irritated and provoked me. He didn’t want the same things I wanted. He didn’t share my soulful desires or my wish to escape away together for days if not weeks.
“Who the hell is this guy?” I would say to myself on our off days (which was the majority of our first 10 years together)! I remember, one night about four years in, looking to my left as I was trying to fall asleep and thinking, what the hell am I doing with this guy? I should be with someone more caring, more compassionate, more hair-on-his-head, more fill in the blank. I fought this love. I fought by attempting to outman him, castrate him, disrespect him, by constantly looking for what was wrong with him and with us instead of what was right.
Despite my brain’s misgivings, I gave in to my body’s wishes. My body wanted to be with him always. The aroma of him, the sight of him, the sound of his voice, the touch of him, all of the ways he affected my body would make me swoon with lust and desire. But then my sweet brain would come in and say, “he’s such a slob, he’s so mean, what a selfish prick. Sheila, you could do so much better than him!”
That was the phrase that almost destroyed us so many times over the years. It wasn’t until I found my Epic Body through S Factor feminine movement and my Epic Life through the LBLG system I developed that everything finally became easy.
Suddenly our love was full of air and effortlessness.
FIND EPIC LOVE
I didn’t need to play in the masculine field any longer because I found and cultivated my femininity. Once I reclaimed my feminine body, mind, heart, and soul, love took me breathless and swooning down the river of Epicness.
5 RULES TO CREATE EPIC LOVE
Here are the 5 rules I followed in this order:
RULE NUMBER ONE
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You Do You (go back to Epic Body)
RULE NUMBER TWO
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A. Stop Bugging Them aka The 40% Rule– acceptance that your partner will never fulfill more than 40% of your connection needs. And don’t force them to. Let your partner be the masculine energy you yearn for. Create space and time for them to pursue their own life’s passion/mission. This step requires you to stop treating your lover like just another platonic friend. It means to allow the mystery of your innate differences to be there. Nurture the mystery of your differences. Fan your partner’s flame of masculinity. Help them feel like the most masculine creature in the world.
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B. What are three easily accomplished actions you can commit to doing weekly to make them feel this way?
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An Erotic surprise
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Maybe an expected (but consensual!) sexual service
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A striptease
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A slow sensual undulating dance
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Words that elevate
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Reward their accomplishments freely and sincerely. You want these praise words to come from a place of grounded appreciation. Example: Something as simple as praising his/her interaction with someone helping you at a cash register, “I love how you made them feel so seen. They really lit up when you listened so intently.”
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An act of service that makes them feel powerful
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Fill their car up with gas.
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Bring them a cup of coffee in the middle of the day.
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Buy them a book from your locally owned bookstore that they’ve been eyeing.
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C. The more you fan the flame of your partner’s masculine energy the more passion and love will come back at you as they conquer the world around them and bring it home to you.
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Create a list of who else can fill your connection needs. Look at your LBLG and, other than your lover, who can you call upon to do things with?
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Take your best friend shoe shopping instead of your partner.
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Go to the ballet, flower mart, or any other place you know your partner is not a fan of by yourself. Spread your wings.
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They don’t like swimming but you’re a fish who hates swimming alone?
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Ask your neighbor for a swim date. Continuing to cultivate new friendships. The feminine needs her campfire.
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RULE NUMBER THREE
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A. Choose Them– this is a simple and private personal moment. Once you make this choice you are able to surrender yourself to love. This moment requires you to stop seeing what they are not and you commit to seeing what they are. This is the creation of the Commitment Statementㅡa declaration of devotion and trust you will come up with that you can say to your love. Here is an early, simple example of a devotion statement I said to Richard: “I give myself wholly to you to do with as you desire.”
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B. This step is also where we introduce the daily “Pinch Me” list- a daily journaling meditation of the things in your life that make you want to pinch yourself when you wake up every morning because you cannot believe how fortunate you are. I start my day with a ‘pinch me’ mantra. This list soothes me. It surrounds me in warmth and love.
RULE NUMBER FOUR
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Crown Them – king or queen your chosen mate by gifting them the power you want them to have but are afraid to give because it might make you feel weak. In this step we introduce the Epic Love Question; this is the question that is your due north in your love relationship. My question changes every so often. Sometimes I go back to an older question. It is the universe asking you how you will show up to love today. My current Epic Love question is “What can I do to make my love feel more loved today than yesterday?” Six months ago my question was, “how can I make him feel more powerful today than yesterday?”
RULE NUMBER FIVE
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Know Them – What Erotic Creature are they in their everyday life? In their erotic life?
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How do they want to be Loved?
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How do they Love?
It wasn’t until I found my Erotic body that I could create my extraordinary life and fully embrace what has become my Epic Love affair with the man I’ve been with for 31 years.
Epic Love is pulled to you by an Epic Body and an extraordinary Epic Life. And mark my words they each must be found in that order.
EPIC BODY + EPIC LIFE = EPIC LOVE
