Site icon Sheila Kelley

5 reasons you might be feeling dimly lit in your feminine energy

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If you’re paying attention to the world, it can be disheartening. I have watched as one woman after another shut her body down. All around me, wherever I go, I see women living like they’re in a purgatorial daze. Women walking around as if their wild selves have been tamed and caged. Their bodies are stiff and unfeeling. They’re living small and playing it safe. Numb to the possibility that they can live an Epic Life beyond their wildest dreams because they’re anesthetized to their senses, their radiance, and their emotional hearts.


As feminine beings on this planet we need to know this: if you are not living consciously aware and connected to your body every moment of your day, then you probably are not living fully IN your body and we need to do something about it NOW!


I have been teaching women how to get back into their bodies, their turn on, and their bliss for the past 22 years. I’ve witnessed huge transformations – so transformative… the women having them didn’t think were possible!!! 

Transformations like:

~ a student was told by her doctors that she would never be able to carry a baby to full term yet ended up carrying two pregnancies to full term healthy births. 

~ women who had given up on Love only to find the most toe tinglingly beautiful soulmates ever. 

~ a young woman had locked her body down from past shame released the shame & filled her life with vibrancy and desire.

~ another woman hadn’t felt anything, not even one emotion in 20 years, recovered her ability to feel everything.

~ women who weren’t able to achieve full body pleasure find the key to their body’s turn on.  

We get knocked out of our bodies from the minute we come out of the womb.  Let’s face it, this masculine world has a deeply complicated and often dysfunctional relationship with our female bodies. It can be hell being a woman. In fact, it can be hell being anyone who has, or resonates with having, a feminine identity. What this tells me is that something isn’t right. 

I have seen hundreds of thousands of women reclaim the power of their feminine and the power of their bodies. I have seen women light backup and fall madly in Love with themselves and their lives. How?  It all started with a personal growth journey I took 22 years ago. 

I needed a reclamation, badly. I was in my 30’s and felt as though I was sleepwalking through my life.  I had a 4 year old son, a mediocre (at best) relationship with my husband, and an okay career as a working actress. Nothing thrilled me. Nothing surprised me. I had an emotional range of 2 degrees when what I yearned for was 100 degrees of feeling everything. 

Then I had a role in a film where I played a stripper. I had to learn to dance in overt and sensual ways. This was so new and foreign to me, yet learning the movement for the film changed my life. Learning sensual movement for the film helped me realize that I had a deep disconnect with my feminine body. As I explored my sensuality and sexual self-expression in this role, I realized that I had been self conscious, and uncomfortable in my own skin for most of my life. I had been walking around with the posture of apology. You know the one. Where your shoulders pull a little forward to make your breasts just that much less accessible for a penetrating gaze. My hips were a tad tucked under to disway any other unwanted attention. And God forbid when I walked nothing swayed or undulated. I was a walking dimly lit monolith of a woman. 

As I reclaimed my body, I began to reclaim my life too. I felt more powerful, more connected to myself, and acutely aware of what I was actually turned on by. And by that, I mean I discovered what truly brought me pleasure in life – from what I did for work, to what I did for my hobbies, to how I spent time with my friends and family, and how I spent time with myself. Connecting to my sensual body – and being embodied in my feminine – changed everything for me.

The deeper I dove into this new way of being, the more I learned. The feminine comes through the body. If the feminine essence of your body is turned off (and for most of us it gets turned off in early childhood) then your whole life is dimmed down. Since then, I have shared this knowledge with women all over the world. Each of them came to the S Factor Journey knowing there was so much more to life, but they didn’t know how to access it.

If you’re reading this, you probably know it too. You sense there’s more to your life – there’s more to Love, more to feel, more to see and experience and there’s more to YOU. And maybe you feel, as I felt, a certain numbness where you are right now – a fog, or a just-get-through-the-day mentality. Maybe you don’t even know what’s missing, but you do know that something is missing. And that’s all that matters.

There’s a way back to living out-loud to living with abundant joy, pleasure and passion. I took the journey to reclaim all of this, and since then my life has become everything I could have ever imagined it to be. 

To begin this reclamation journey you must really, truly, acknowledge where you are right now. This comes before anything else. 

Here are the 5 main reasons you are disconnected and what they mean for you. And please know, we’re going to cover a lot here that may bring up some discomfort and honest self reflection. So remember this is just a starting point.  Once we’ve tackled this, we’ll move onto the powerful ways in which you can turn yourself back on, reconnect with yourself, and be LIT UP all the time. 

So let’s jump in. Here are  the 5 reasons you feel so dimly lit…

1. You don’t truly own your body.
2. Your body is trapped in a cage of frozen musculature and fascia.
3. You are constantly being judged and self-judging.
4. Your feelings have been stifled by the world’s complex relationship with the natural flow of emotions.
5. Everything you were ever told about ‘happily ever after’ in Love, sex, and passion was a LIE.

Let’s explore these in more depth:

1. You don’t truly own your body – Do you live in a state of conscious awareness with your body? Do you Love her unconditionally? Do you feel completely confident walking around naked in front of someone else? Do you check in with your body every day, all day? Do you know how to listen to her? Do you ask her what she wants and then give that to her? Do you let her rest when she needs it? Do you let her play when she craves it? Do you allow her to seek pleasure in all ways that feel good to her? If you answered no to any of these questions, this is a sign that you do not really own your body.

Think about this, then take out a pen and paper to write your list. What are all the ways in which you feel, or have ever felt like you do not own your body – use the examples above as a guide. Once you have written your examples come back here, and we’ll move to our second reason you feel dimly lit. 

2. Your body is trapped in a cage of frozen musculature and fascia – Do you move your body effortlessly and easily? Do you get incessant undiagnosable body pain? Do you feel tight when you take a deep inhale? Has your range of motion and flexibility lessened? These are all signs that your body is hindered from full range of motion by a cage of frozen musculature and fascia.

Think about or write down all the ways in which your body feels tight, not limber, out of grace and/or trapped. Let HER your body speak by being very physically and intentionally focused here.

3. You are constantly being judged and self-judging – Do you compliment yourself when you stand in front of the mirror? Do you say “thank you – you’re right, I am!” when someone tells you that you’re beautiful? Do you choose your clothing each day in an effort to please the world around you? Do you worry that you’ll be perceived as too fat, thin, old, young, bossy, powerful, smart, or sexual? Do you still remember being told you’re “too this” and/or “not enough of that”… and are you still living like those statements are true? 

Let’s go to the mirror. Scan your body. Notice the thoughts that come up for you – if judgements come up, simply acknowledge them. It’s helpful to write down your thoughts, if you prefer, to get a concrete grasp on the kind of conversations your mind (and the world at large) is having with your body.

4. Your feelings have been stifled by the world’s complex relationship with the natural flow of emotions –
When was the last time you let yourself cry at the very moment you needed to – without apologizing for it? Even if that meant crying in public? Do you feel free enough to break out in huge peals of laughter? What about the last time you let your anger rise up and be expressed in real time, despite your fear of what people may think of you? I’m not advocating for emotional recklessness, I’m advocating for freedom of self-expression in a world where we are so often told not to express ourselves ever.

Grab your pen and paper again – write a full list of all the emotions you’ve felt today. Now tick off the emotions that you let yourself express and how you expressed them. For the emotions you didn’t express, write down how you would have wanted to express them. 

5. Everything you were ever told about ‘happily ever after’ in Love, sex and passion was a LIE –
Do you think Epic Love should be effortless? Do you believe it is normal for sexual romance to die over a long term relationship? Do you buy into the belief that there is one soulmate for you? Do you dream of Prince (or Princess) Charming arriving to sweep you off your feet; bringing about a magical new life? 

Whatever your answers to these questions…know they are perfect and beautifully real. Thank you for going there. Remember, everything is OK, no matter where you are at right now. We’re just beginning our reclamation, and that starts with acknowledging where we are. 


Now more than ever it is vital that we reconnect with the truth of who we are. It’s vital that we reclaim our bodies, our emotions and our desires without shame. This is why I have created this feminine practice and community that is designed to ignite us and free us from the dullness we’ve been living in. And if you want the deeper story on body disconnection and body reclamation, check out my 2012 TEDx Talk here. Since we’ve acknowledged where we are, and how we got here, it’s time to reignite our lives… 

Til next Monday beauties! XOXO Sheila

PS. In next week’s posts – we will explore the 3 powerful steps you can take right now toward a life of Epic Body ownership.

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